Cinema Therapy — Charlyne Gelt, Ph.D.

Elsa and Fred

Topics such as grief, loss, aging, mortality, and death aren’t usually the focus of movies that are billed as “romantic comedies,” but the 2014 film Elsa and Fred is a delightful exception. It’s the story of two seniors who meet when they become neighbors, start spending time together, ditch some of the stereotypes about what “old people” being able to find love — and they fall in love. The film stars Shirley MacLaine and Christopher Plummer as Elsa and Fred, George Segal as Fred’s friend who encourages Fred to get out more, and Marcia Gay Harden as Fred’s slightly bossy daughter who also has ideas about what’s best for Fred.

Since losing his wife of many years, Fred has been in a slump, without the energy or the inclination to pull himself out of it. At the suggestion of his concerned daughter, he compliantly agrees to downsize into a little apartment that happens to be next door to where the outgoing, somewhat flaky, Elsa lives. Elsa’s bad driving brings about an incident that brings the two together, and they start keeping company, despite Fred’s initial testy reluctance. Fred tells her, perhaps as a warning, “I am that rare case of the dead living. I seem alive, but I am already dead.”

But Elsa has no patience for Fred’s downer attitude. She, often intrusively and annoyingly, won’t leave him alone to wallow in self-pity. Her zest for life is ultimately infectious and he responds. Their friendship and affection deepens. As they share, deep wounds are revealed. Elsa, ever the optimist, helps Fred to let go of his dark, pessimistic way of looking at life and points out how their mutual experiences with life’s pain and suffering have made them not only older, but wiser. Equally revealing are the things they’ve left undone, the unmet needs and longings, such as Elsa lifelong dream of going to Rome. Later on, when Fred learns that Elsa has a terminal illness, he takes her to Rome on a glorious last vacation.

Psychological Implications     
As psychotherapists, we are often called upon to treat grief and loss, but treatment often overlooks the surviving partner’s lingering sense of loss and they may feel prematurely pressured to simply move on. Doing so is difficult: How does one tolerate living the rest of one’s life while still in the grips of depression from the loss of a loved one? Terminal illness and a partner’s death leave the “other” bewildered about what to do with the loneliness, the sadness, the anger, and the realization of the now unfulfilled expectations of spending their “best years” together. Now they are all alone.

Life is so short, but we often don’t realize it until we get to the shortest end of it, the finish line.

The movie Elsa and Fred addresses some of the stereotypes about senior citizens, especially that they are too old to have another chance at love. It’s a good reminder to those of us working with seniors not to do the same thing. Deep and rich emotions don’t stop with the arrival of gray hair. Nor does age put an end to aspiring to new achievements and fulfilling our dreams. Elsa, through her spontaneity and playful interactions, is able to teach Fred it is never too late to hold on to that flickering spark of life, even while in the midst of death’s grip. This kooky grandma who lusts for life, bursts into Fred’s “dead” life like a whirlwind, and teaches him that time is precious and that they should enjoy what it has to offer, including their late blooming affection. And when she dares confide in him her secret desire to see Rome, and he actually takes her there, it’s a lifelong dream comes true.

In coming together, Elsa and Fred, as though magnetically drawn, responded to the shadow of the other, making the other more whole, acknowledging the parts of themselves that had been kept hidden. Fred, the sour recluse who longs to experience life, and Elsa, the passionate, feisty retiree, who hungers for a partner with whom she can experience life’s high. Fred discovers that through his edging towards a relationship with Elsa, he also moves towards a connection with his disowned parts. His depression lifts; he has a newfound sense of wholeness, achieved not by escaping, running away, or drowning his sorrow, but by embracing, accepting, and integrating all aspects of livingness — good and bad. He meets his shadow self in Elsa’s unharnessed voracious passion for life. The result is emotional maturity, wholeness, a new open view of life’s opportunities, a different perspective, even to laugh at life’s seemingly unfair twists and turns. When one door closes, another opens, and Fred and Elsa find out what really matters: feeling alive and living it.

In the end, Elsa made Fred happy and brought him out of his shell and two lonely people begin to enjoy what remains of the autumn of their “good life” while playing together in the end zone. Why wait until death rears up through the swamplands to discover the unconscious shadow parts, and then live feeling fully alive in the moment.

Charlyne Gelt, Ph.D. (PSY22909) is a clinical psychologist who practices in Encino. She leads Women's Empowerment Groups that help women learn the tools to move beyond self-destructive relationship patterns. She may be reached at 818.501.4123 or cgelt@earthlink.net. Her office address is 16055 Ventura Blvd. #1129 Encino, CA 91436.