July 2024 Membership Meeting Write-Up — John Garrison, MFT Trainee

Embracing Relationship Diversity in Counseling: Understanding and Supporting Ethical Non-Monogamous Relations
presented by Brandy Seignemartin

The month of July brought us not only the beginning of the summer heat here in Southern California but also the one, the only Brandy Seignemartin and her presentation: “Embracing Diversity in Counseling: Understanding and Supporting Ethical Non-Monogamous Relationships.” Right from the start, you could tell that Brandy is quite knowledgeable on the issues surrounding Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM), Polyamory, and the related nomenclature and that she has the passion to educate clinicians and non-clinicians to match. Her humor, wit, and enthusiasm shined through, and you couldn’t help but feel the energy that she exuded on the topic.

Brandy started off by breaking the ice and asked the crowd how comfortable we all were in working with non-monogamous clients and what our initial impressions were of a few pictures of ENM-rooted relationships. The answer that stood out the most came from a member who said that “All of them looked happy,” which brought the focus of this presentation into full view. The essence of ENM lies in allowing a partner or partners the freedom of choice in defining how they want their relationships to look like; whether it lies in the form of romance, emotional or physical intimacy, or friendship (or a combination of one or more or all of the above). The branch of ENM offers partners, couples, and throuples alike a vessel through which to communicate their wants and needs with each relationship. While this may require more explicit communication than the usual monogamous dyadic relationships many of us clinicians come across in our practice, the freedom and openness seem unparalleled when practicing ENM.

Brandy also had the courage to speak about her personal experience through voluntary self-disclosure about her own therapy journey; both as a clinician and client. Unfortunately, she has discovered that there are clinicians out there who find it difficult to bracket their personal beliefs and biases to better serve their clientele, especially when it comes to anything outside of monogamous dyadic relationships. This experience has propelled Brandy to engage with clinicians in such a way as to provide psychoeducation to her own therapists in order to help them not only expand their own horizons as clinicians, but to potentially offer safe spaces for those who are Ethically Non-Monogamous to freely express themselves in the therapeutic environment.

Seeing as though the history of ENM has been one that has only recently begun to surface in the eyes of the public due to its hush-hush past, Brandy made sure to take the time to connect the dots between how the practice has evolved over the years and where ENM is currently headed. It’s clear that not everyone is ready for a redefinition of what adult relationships look like, and sometimes we need to see examples of what can work before we can engage in it ourselves. This is made much clearer through the inclusion of the terminology that is utilized in the ENM space. From Garden Party, polycules, and NRE to Paramour, Metamour, and Kitchen Table, the nomenclature in ENM culture is as vast as it is detailed and specific. The key here for clinicians is to ultimately find out what our clients understanding of these words are; as we know that language truly matters and the words we use can have a massive effect on those we serve. It’s one thing to read a glossary of terms, but it’s another to understand what they mean to our clients. This is why cultural curiosity is so important when working with our clients, whether they practice ENM or otherwise. This does not mean that we can rest on our laurels as guides however and as therapists we need to do what we can as it relates to staying current on our research, taking the time to consult with others, and brushing up on the language that our clientele uses in order to not solely rely on them as our only source of education on the matter.

It is abundantly clear that the time that Brandy was given was not enough to cover such a rapidly evolving subject such as ENM and the diversity implications for clinicians, but she definitely has changed some hearts and minds when it comes to seeing non-monogamy (and monogamy) in a new light. Please feel free to reach out to her for any questions, comments, concerns, clarifications, or just some good old fashioned book recommendations (ENM-related or not)! Both her passion and warmth for educating clinicians and non-clinicians alike is as clear as day and she would love to help in any way she can. Looking forward to seeing and hearing more from her in the future as this rapidly evolving practice becomes more understood and appreciated.

John Garrison, MA is an MFT Trainee (soon to be Associate) at Child and Teen Counseling in Woodland Hills. John works primarily with kids and teens struggling to find balance in a world that is constantly changing. He can be reached at: (818) 538-6473 or john@childteencounseling.org.